Dear Audrey,
My girlfriend wants me to shave her. She was like “do it however you’d like it to be.” I’m pretty excited: I think I’ll start with a little landing strip… Only I’ve never shaved another person before, only my own face. She’s natural down there—not a ton of hair, but definitely more than I usually have on my face. Do you have any safety tips?

Wowsers, that is like some old-timey Western barber with straight razor-level shit right there. Pressure! Definitely please do not cut up your girl’s junk. Safety tips for this are basically the same as doing it on yourself, except more so. So, ok. If her hair is long, trim it with some scissors or an electric razor. You can do this dry. Or you know what? Maybe ask her to take care of this step beforehand. If the goal is to have a sexy time in the tub getting shorn and not that she’s literally too tired to shave, having this preliminary bit taken care of will get a lot of possibly-mood-killing boring snipping out of the way.

Second, get her hair wet with plenty of warm water. Lather everything up with shaving cream or gel. Do you need that special pink just-for-chicks shit they sell? I don’t know. Some of them claim to have fancy emollients for your sensitive labia but I can’t help but feel like they just switched out the “dudely musk” scent for “crotch floral” and jacked the price up 25 percent. Why are the pink shaving implements so much more expensive? Is it because girls are bad at math?

Anyway, get something decent and shaving cream-y, and get one of those multi-blade safety razors. She probably has one already she uses for her legs. I would start with a fresh one, though. Once she’s good and lathered, just start shaving. Go slowly, and stretch the skin taut between your fingers before you pull the razor. Non-taut skin will nick and cut. Go against the grain like you would on your face. It will actually be a lot like shaving your face, except the other way and it is a vadge, but you know, use your common sense. For example, remember to rinse the razor every stroke or two.

I’m not entirely sure how you’ll work in being sexy while you are concentrating hard on not hurting her. Maybe just the shaving will be sexy and you can do the actual finger banging later, I don’t know. Just safety first, at least until you get the hang of it, ok?

I would say feel free to go to town on everything outside the labia majora, but if she wants any side lip, taint, or ass hair removal, she should do it herself or get a professional to take care of it. Afterward—after you’ve had shower sex, presumably—she (or you) can put on lotion to prevent razor burn, though let’s be real, she’ll probably end up with at least some amount of red bumps.

One secret tip I learned from a stripper is to put deodorant on your pussy after shaving to help stop razor burn. I have no idea why it works, probably it’s because of horrible carcinogens that will give you crotch Alzheimer’s, but it definitely works.

There you go! Have fun and BE CAREFUL. I like this idea. It feels weirdly old-fashioned and gentlemanly, like washing a woman’s hair or something.

[The L Magazine] by Audrey Ference, Illustration by Mike Force