By St. Sweeper

This is the scene every time I get a bagel and make a very specific point to the deli guy to put very little cream cheese on it.

I like to believe I'm a pretty simple person who enunciates his words clearly, yet, no matter what deli I get a bagel from in this city, where I ask for very little cream cheese, I always end up with a half inch thick layer of the stuff oozing out of the sides and holes. Even when I stop them and say "whoa that's enough!", they still dip their knife in one more time and do that one last spread just to spite me for what reason I do not know.

Is there a secret code that I need to give to these short-order chefs? I suppose it's possible that I have "fuck with me" written across my forehead, since that's the feeling I get.

It's like there's a deli guy conspiracy going on where they all attend a meeting, me being the main focus of course and they all sit around and discuss how, when I come in and order my bagel, they'll pretend not to hear what I asked for and dip their knives into their never ending, free of cost bowls of cream cheese and waste it on my bagel all so they can report in somewhere that I am surely going to be spending and extra minute of my morning scraping the shit off. 

I simply do not get it? Am I the only one experiencing this phenomenon?