By Porn Flakes
When you think about the subway in New York City there are hundreds of annoying things that come to mind. Breath smelling crowded . . . bum mattress dirty . . . people trying extremely hard not to make eye contact with the opposing person as if playing a reverse staring game. Each of these things are expected every time you board this humiliation they call the "Silver bullet". But for some reason
each time you get on, people always seem to be in the same mood. They seem angry, frustrated and annoyed. As if someone sat there and pushed every single negative button they had. Well the truth is New York that some one did. His name is . . . the "no worries guy" (or girl).
Now the "no worries guy" is that son of a bitch that walks up or down the subway stairs showing us that he's got no where else to go while he thinks about every single step that he’s about to take. He's also the guy that seems to read every single text at the Metrocard machine as if he has never in his life seen or used this modern marvel. This doesn't stop just here New York. This is the man that pays with change. Also the man that while boarding the train, stops at the door while the train is basically empty because he's decided that leaning up against the door will be his best seat and turning sideways to let other people in is just physically impossible. The one that no matter how many times you say excuse me does not move a single inch to the side to let you off either.
With all this said I would just like to extend my gratitude to the “no worries guy”. Thank you for being such a prick and allowing New York City to continue the cliché of the angriest and most fast paced city in the world. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be late all the time. We wouldn’t want to kill everyone on the train that touches us because we’re annoyed at the battle we faced trying to by pass you and your two yard long book bag that you decided not to take off for whatever Godforsaken reason. Thank you for being at the bottom of the steps tying your shoe or looking at a fucking map and sucking your tongue as you watch me attempt to maneuver around you and then watch as the subway doors close in front of my eyes.
Hopefully there is a day when we will all pay back these “special” fellas. That way when you look on the news and hear about how a man was pushed into the train tracks while he was minding his own business by a normal man who never had any past history of criminal offenses you think of this passage. You can think of how long we had all waited to personally eliminate every one of these inconsiderate dicks that seem to possess every single subway station. Hopefully the judge and jury have some sort of understanding when they sentence this normal man for such a respectable and envied crime.