By Steve-Oh!

Every now and then, NYC decides that they would like to use their biggest gateway to the people, the subway, as a giant advertisement for any and everything they think is best. Taking the train everyday into Grand Central Station, there are many days I'm handed different items from workers promoting whatever happens to be going on at that particular time. Last week I was handed an item that I have seen and used before.  Maybe you have seen it as well, it's called the NYC Condom.

Now, I agree with the promotion of safe sex and I think it's a great idea. I mean, what guy doesn't love blowing out a bitches back and not waking up with that classic burning sensation? I know I enjoy the feeling. Plus, I'm pretty sure I don't have any kids running around out there without a father, although, I can't be too sure. There's really only one problem I've found with the NYC Condom as far as I'm concerned. The thing is a piece of shit! And yes, if you're asking, I know from experience.  I will now share that story with you in hopes you will ignore the disaster waiting to happen and splurge on the classic $5, 3 pack of Trojans.

Last summer I was away for the weekend to celebrate a good friends engagement. With me was a girl, that after years of nonsense between us, had finally involved herself in a semi-serious relationship with me. I'll spare you the details, being that it would take 3 days to explain. Cutting to the chase, I had been waiting about 8 years to finally have sex with this girl and planning to beat it up long and good. After a night of heavy drinking we headed back to the hotel room to get down to business. She knowing me all these years, and pretty much hearing of all my disgraceful sexual encounters, obviously insisted I throw on the ol' raincoat. I actually thought I'd be stranded without one but then remembered, ahh, yes! The condom some skell had handed me on the 4 train. This should do the trick just fine. So I threw on the condom and went to work.

The sex itself was definitely worth the wait, as I put it down with a solid performance. When we were finished, she went into the bathroom to do whatever is done after you get hit with the Doug E. Fresh. Then, she calls out from the bathroom, "Oh my God, did the condom break?!" As I looked down, her fears were confirmed. My cock piece looked like Spiderman's suit after the fucking Green Goblin shredded it up.

This did not go over well. Making matters worse, the next night I got wasted again and told her that I fucked her with a condom that I got for free on the subway. Needless to say, we are no longer together. Fuck my life.

Well, I hope that my story keeps you far away from NYC Condoms, and a similar situation. Buy the good one's for Christ's sake.