By Ray Kartell
So I’m walking across town, don’t ask me why. Well if you must know, it was because I was going somewhere. What the fuck? Anyway, I get to Broadway and 38th Street and what do I see. Broadway, between 38th and 36th has been divided into 2 lanes. A regular right lane and what used to be the left passing lane is now a sidewalk cafe. Who was the genius that thought of this?
This shit is like feeding the the city a Fried Twinkie from Chip Shop. Yeah it looks nice and tastes great but when you eat that motherfucker you better expect a coronary thrombosis. Yes, I can use other words bedsides fuck and asshole. This is exactly what you get when you take the world’s busiest city than block one of it’s main fucking arteries. You’re asking for a heart attack in the form of major traffic! Yes fucking traffic and more fucking traffic.
While tourist are resting there, feet up on the cute little Euro style cafe tables after purchasing $1000 worth of fake Gucci bags which they’ll take back home and sell for shit knows how may Euros, you’re trying to drive or walk to where you need to go. And it takes forever because some asshole in city planning decided Broadway would look nice if it looked a little more European. Well to that asshole I say fuck you. Broadway is suppose to be a fucking "Broad WAY"! You’re a fucking asshole! I understand the city has created a similar setup in Flatiron on 23rd and Broadway. Fuckin’ dicks.
Oh and just in case you needed clarity on what exactly a coronary thrombosis is, here you go. Medical lesson of the day. You see, the heart is surrounded by three major coronary arteries that supply it with blood and oxygen. If a blood clot develops in one of these arteries, the blood supply to that area of heart muscle will stop. This is known as a heart attack. Or in medical terms a coronary thrombosis. A heart attack will cause severe chest pains behind the breast bone, often radiating towards the left arm. If the blockage (thrombosis) is not dissolved quickly with medication, that area of heart muscle that isn't getting oxygen will stop working, hence, midtown Manhattan will be further more gridlocked than it already fucking is. As for the chest pain, well, that’s the equivalent of you sitting an extra 15 unnecessary minutes in your car going nowhere and burning that expensive, fancy, $5 a gallon gold you call fuel.
Thanks DOT. Don’t go doing us any favors now you hear. God forbid you fill a fuckin’ pothole.